Melacha Day Parade

sure this is a lil bit late, but i have a suggestion id like to make.

i would suggest that [rampant near-nakedness, general drunkenness, and occasional homicide aside] every jew, and especially every jew of color, should see the west indian day parade at least once. [and if you’re a jew who saw it pre-conversion, see it again post-jew]. i used to live in crown heights and remember listening to the music as each float passed by.  occasionally id get an extended glimpse of the parade before being shooed away from the window by my parents b/c of the slackness [500 pt caribbean slang bonus!] happening outside. but when i was a grown up, i was dragged practically kicking and screaming over to the parkway one year [“kicking and screaming” not b/c i was particularly trying to avoid the slackness [1000 pt double word score!], but b/c im not a big fan of people. can you tell?].

anyhoo, im glad i went.  because as im watching float after float go by with its different music and people dressed in their island’s flag and eating their different foods and flowing with their island’s pride and having a good time i couldn’t help but think “is this how it used to be back in the day when ppl brought bikkurim?  or would head up to yerushalayim for the shalosh regalim waving their tribe’s banner?” and channeling that present energy into vicarious enjoyment of the past was a really, really, really, good feeling. and there’s something i think we can all learn from the labor day parade.

for example, at the parade every float comes and reps its country with its own distinctive music, food, etc. and revels in it and celebrates it. but can we imagine if there was a jewish labor day parade? we’d have the ashkenazi float [with all its chabadnik, litvisher, yechi, na-nach, etc sections] and its gefilte fish, the sephardi float and its rice and beans, the temani float and its full beged-kefet, and the joc float that…well, is just pretty much the same thing we just saw in every other float, just differently ethnic. because as it stands, there’s nothing about us that would warrant its own float beyond skin.  and that’s part of why [part of why] we are looked at skin first: b/c that’s the only difference, really.  i mean, ashki/sefard and ashki/temani are also divided along a similar white v brown or less white axis.  but what comes to mind as the difference? no kitniyot v rice & beans for pesach.  tav/sav v gefen/jefen. if we’re to be looked at beyond color, then what we bring to the table needs to evolve beyond color.

as ive posted before, b/c jocs have a tendency to either join whats already around or wash away their ethnicity, instead of using their ethnicity to define and shape their observance and practices.  and whenever i propose that jocs should allow their backgrounds to influence their judaism, to create a minhag just the same way that europeans and north africans and middle easterners allowed theirs to create “ashkenaz” “sephard” “temani” etc, not only is there resistance from [some] jocs who for some reason cant comprehend the concept of having somewhere/thing that is your own, there are also opponents among those who have the luxury of actually having a homebase to operate from. their reasoning is “why cause more divisions?” [somehow oblivious to the fact that of course they don’t see the need for someone else to create what they themselves already have].

but do we really think that if, say, tobago broke off from trinidad and established itself as a separate culture that the rest of the west indies would be up in arms? that they’d try to stop them?  or do we think they’d just accept the new independent tobago and afford it the same respect in the parade as the rest of the islands. i mean they let puerto rico march, and they already have their own separate parade.  hell, guyana isn’t even invited and they still get to march. [give it up with the west-indian thing, guys. we all know you’re part of south america].

while some say it and mean it in its intended unifying sense, most of judaism seems to cling to the “a jew is a jew is a jew” mantra as a means to extinguish and discourage cultural individuality rather than to emphasize the beauty that despite being different with a disparate number of customs, we all follow the same torah as equals.  cmon now ppl, we haven’t learned yet to talk to the rock  instead of hitting it?

and then of course there’s the lesson of unity.  sure, every other day the rest of the year things may devolve into “this island” v “that island” confrontations or hostilities. or bad mouthing over who has better men or women.  but no matter what their differences are, they are all able to come together this one day every single year, leave everything else at the door, and say “we are all west indian, and let’s celebrate that. even you guyana. even though you’re really not.

now maybe this is just my experience, but ive rarely run into jews who are able to suspend whatever weekday prejudices they have for shabbat or chagim and say “we are all jews, and let’s celebrate this day together as jews.” i mean, some ppl are able to squeeze some of that out for rosh hashana and yom kippur, but lets be real, you’re just afraid youre gonna die so you’re trying to rack up some last minute points. come say hi to me and shake my hand when the spectre of death isn’t sitting on your living room couch drinking tea.

but anyways.

when i look at the labor day parade, im looking into a window into the past of what we were and into the future of what we can be again.  im not seeing that dude painted black with horns glued to his forehead surrounded by cantily sclad gyrating women, im seeing the ox with its gold covered horns carrying bikkurim surrounded by a procession of farmers and musicians bringing them to the bet hamikdash.  im not seeing the drunk dudes falling over themselves drinking guinness, im seeing a couple of guys who got caught up in the moment and feeling of simchat torah in yerushalayim and got a lil bit too carried away. im not seeing that girl convinced she can wear that too small flag as a dress…ok, so i am seeing that girl, but im also seeing the, um, y’know, the—okay so im just seeing the girl. 

but c’mon, she’s hot.


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Brought To You By The Letter “S”

hey kids!

it’s time for another open letter! yaaay! yaaay!

gather around now, we’re gonna talk about the “s-word”.  y’know,  “schvartze”.  or  “schwartze”. or “schvatza”.  or “nigger”.  whoop! i meant “shwartzer”. [because it’s a completely different word, y’know.]

theres a quiz on facebook—the “jewish vocabulary quiz”—which includes this wholesome gem of a question: “your father comments on all the “schvatzes” that have moved into the area. he is reffrring [sic] to: 1-conservatives, 2- mexicans, 3- non jews,  4-african americans.”  it got me fairly boiled-up until i happened across an article by rabbi yitzchok adlerstein [“on racism, its costs and its causes”-12/10/08] in which he discusses the “s-word”.  among the comments on the article were the following:

*i disagree with rabbi adlerstein’s tendentious assessments of the terms “goy” and “shvartzeh”. his assertion that such terminology is pejorative is incorrect. these words are totally neutral. (“goy” and “goyim” are biblical terms which mean either “gentile” or “gentile nations” or “nation.” the noun/adjective “shvartzeh” means either black or black african american in yiddish. there is no other word available in yiddish to express that idea.)*

*perhaps the clergyman is confusing these innocuous terms with the notorious “n” word in english, which should definitely not be used by civilized people. his objections to the aforementioned hebrew and yiddish vocabulary have, on the other hand, no validity.  such comments fall under the category of inappropriate political correctness—and i would urge that we eschew such folly.*

*surprise! i know exactly what the clergyman stated; nevertheless, he is mistaken. the erroneous contention is that the words in question have a proper etymology but their current usage is improper. gentlemen, this is precisely the argument which i contest as an accomplished linguist. please pay attention. educated people use these words correctly without any pejorative connotations. my point is that their proper usage should be encouraged. it is myopic to advocate the elimination of these appropriate vocabulary words. (that is censorship which you ought to deplore.) we need more education without “politically correct” euphemisms. by the same token, i hereby argue: we must continue to use the term “goy” and we must continue to use the term “shvartzeh” correctly as these words are and should be understood in their pristine neutral sense. (it should also be emphasized that these terms are used properly by intellectual speakers of yiddish and hebrew. therefore, learn from the intellectuals in this particular context.)*

*rabbi adlerstein is wrong about the hebrew and yiddish words he cites. those vocabulary words (shvartzeh and goy) are appropriate and neutral. modern cynics have to become more tolerant and accept the fact that enlightened and educated people use those words properly.*

after reading these comments i, on behalf of all black ppl everywhere [b/c apparently im the default ambassador for every black person on the face of the planet in all other cases anyway], us black ppl would like to say: we give up. you’re right.

see, we had no idea that all us  jews live in countries ruled by philosopher kings and that only intellectuals live there and hold dialogue and that, apparently, words in this magical kingdom are immune to the ravages of things like “context” and “intent”. and that despite the neutral original meaning of words, apparently they are incapable of taking on insulting connotations.  we now realize that when those of us [un]lucky enough to have gone to yeshiva were called “schvartze” instead of our given names, what was really meant was “hello you person i am neutrally and non-perjoratively addressing right now”. wow. that’s egg on our face, right?

also, to that linguistics guy up there, we also apologize for not knowing that slang and code-switching doesn’t exist in your happy magical country either. [for those who don’t know, “code-switching” is when someone speaks primarily in one language, but occasionally sprinkles in words from a different language for certain things. like when ppl speak in spanglish.] and as we all know, whenever someone uses slang or code-switching to describe someone of a different gender/sexual orientation/religion/race than themselves, its always in a neutral and non-perjorative manner. like maricon. or bitches. or gaijin. or kushi. or kike. or falasha.or mick. or guinea…hmm…i guess none of those examples are proving my point. oh well. but you get what im saying.

in fact, we propose a campaign to issue a general and blanket dismissal of all silly sensibilities based on implications and usage. as such, i will start wearing a swastika to knesset/synagogue.


i mean, surely civilized ppl can tell you that the swastika is nothing more than a neutral symbol which symbolizes good luck, wealth and good fortune. just b/c it happened to be used by the nazis in wwii doesn’t take away from what its meaning actually is, right? hell, i’ll prolly even name my kid adolf hitler. why not? “adolf” is a good strong name. means “noble wolf” and everything. and “hitler”? “one who lives in a hut”. c’mon, nothing’s more neutral than a guy who lives in a hut.

…actually, yeah. now that i think about it, that is pretty f*cking stupid logic.


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